(June 4, 2021) Hi! The Wine Snob has been busy lately so it's been a little while.
(So, listen. This is me from the future! I bring an important message! "This wine tastes good and I like it.")
I would ask if you've missed me, but at this point the number of people who have read any of my posts is zero. So this is a Zen Blog right now.
Actually, a Taoist Blog might be a better descriptor. Zen is about calm, but this kind of wankery doesn't quite fit that. But wankery is perfectly in the Taoism wheelhouse! I mean, you can wank wherever you like, drinking whatever wine you like, and Taoism is A-OK with that. Might as well pick this wine for when you want to wank in a wheelhouse at night with a bottle of wine and some scary music!
I am listening to Black Dresses right now. It's like... well, it's pretty fucked up. Like if Nine Inch Nails and Skinny Puppy - or rather, Trent Reznor and Oghr - were meant to be Proper Young Ladies but then some Bad Shit happened to them and they listened to a bunch of Witch House.
"In My Mouth" got them so much attention that they broke up and have only released a couple of albums since then. I am a fan of ALL OF THAT.
But this is not a Blog about Fucked Up Girl Power. I mean, secretly TWS has dedicated his life to that, sure, so this is part and parcel of FUGP and shit. But I am The Wine Snob! This is about Wine!
Here is the label.
Look at that label! The front is all witchy like dead trees, reaching for the cold gold and black sky. The back is (a) corporate wine bullshit language and then (b) instructions for loading an ap on your phone so that you can "Experience the paranormal stories of the phantom".
Yup! Everything is commodifiable. Capitolism FTW!
I keep meaning to crop the label and learn to take better webcam pictures but then - I mean, okay, this bottle is empty because I drank it directly from the bottle while writing a blog that, again, has zero views. So I think "First Place for Excellence in Photographs of Wine Bottles" is not an award that TWS is likely to win any time soon.
Oh, right. This wine tastes good and I like it. I am going back to add that line to the start of this entry, so if you are reading this now I would like you to know that this is a Non-Linear blog post, please.
It was $22 from the Grocery Store (tm) down the street so that's pretty pricey for TWS but I like the bottle. I'm actually drinking my second bottle right now so - that's a thing about how much I like it. Which is a fair amount! It is a decent wine. It has the purple flavor that I like and that I cannot describe any better than 'purple' and 'opium'.
Not to give away anything from TWS's checkered past, of course.
I got the bottle first without reading the label - just seeing the witchy dead trees and thinking "I would like a wine to do grading and listen to Witch House from Russia". And, friends, that is this wine. Or This is That wine?
And then I read the label and then I bought my second bottle and now I am listening to Black Dresses.
Hashtag best-wine-snob-life! Hey just as an aside, TWS is perfectly aware of the two different acronyms that FTW might represent. TWS is actually really engaged in finding places to use that acronym where both are applicable! Like this wine. Look above at the mis-spelled capitalism for why.
Two days later it's even better. But I really, really need to qualify that. It's spicier and less smooth. Like, after two days, the flavors have become LESS subtle and blended. Not the expected behavior from a red wine! I mean, I am supposing it's red because (a) it looks red and (b) it tastes red and (c) it's astringent like a red but...
But, it was still good a few days later. More interesting, really. Usually 'more interesting' is NOT a good way to describe a wine but if you've been following this blog so far then you might think that is a positive descriptor.
Oh, it's called a red too, so it self-identifies as a red. So red it is! We respect pronouns and wine colors here on this blog.
Black Dresses have just sampled 'Zombies' by the Cranberries. It's an appropriate sample and I approve. For those of us who are astute and worried about time stamps that will give a clue as to how long TWS takes to write these posts.
Anyway. Get spooky with your late-stage capitalism, your #metoo, and your fucked up music, open a bottle of Corporate Red(tm) (dark version), and you really could do worse than Phantom, a Proprietary Red from Bogle.
This weekend I intend to purchase another bottle of this wine, and drink it whilst listening to more fucked up music and playing video games.
No - okay. I like this wine, sure. But this is a really good wine to drink if you think that listening to upsetting music from a couple of people who are working through childhood sexual trauma to a good beat is a thing you want to do.
#bestTWSlife
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