(Jan 5, 2022) Out of the corner of my eye I can see a small trail of blood down the wall but when I look right at it the wall is blank and pristine and just off-white enough to be called something like 'eggshell' or 'lightest beige' or 'you are seeing things again'.
So, I am seeing things again. That tracks. The new year.
I am drinking Guinness from a can. It says for the best experience to pour it in a glass but I think we are all beyond 'the best experience' at this point. Now the blood is on my hands until I look down at the keyboard. I have the distinct impression that my fingers are menstruating but - that's not how any of that works. I KNOW that is not how any of that works. I know I am just seeing things. It is most likely the stress and not phantom finger or wall menstruation. I will tell myself this until I start to believe it again and so I will have maybe a little more Guinness to drink right now.
Guinness comes in a can that's either black or white. Because shades of grey or colours are complications that we should avoid and the white are throwback cans and I have forgotten how to use quotation marks there with the art and all. I have remembered to use the letter u in color because I am drinking - as I have said - Guinness, which I know is from Ireland but maybe they use the u as well.
I wonder if I am drinking from a can made out of al you min ee um? Maybe in Ireland it is al oo min um like here in 'Murica. Or maybe they have some weird brogue about it. When I had an Irish roommate he was mystified why people kept talking about his sexy brogue because that means shoes, not accent. That is probably some sort of racism from 100 years ago but, like, racism light - the kind where people can't get jobs or they get spit on, not the kind that's like slavery or Zyclon B or anything. Not saying the anti-Irish racism was good or anything, even in comparison, but just that specific example of brogue-means-shoes-so-accent is racism light. I kind of feel like this paragraph got away from me and now the bleeding is more like from the eyes - a small trickle and bright red and I can't see it without the mirror. A mirror is absolutely the wrong thing right now though.
Anyway. Guinness is really good. You should drink it at the bar in a pint glass with Nitrous where you can talk to people and maybe get in a fight or take a pretty person home for sex or have a debate on how different people are now than from 2000 years ago or something. Because it is okay when you are at home but then the walls or your fingers begin to menstruate and that is Not Okay.
I don't have a picture of a Guinness can because I can barely keep it together to type and the camera just seems like a LOT a lot right now.
Maybe I'll drink some wine again later.
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